Saturday, November 8, 2008

Dear Diary,

Kinda random, but I just got invited to go out to eat with our SS teacher and him, and he bought my meal. The owner of the bar-b-que place was pretty awesome; he was telling us all about their awards and competitions. It was like an episode straight out of Foodnetwork.

And it was awkward.

Then there was light.

Janise Vagabond James

Dear Diary,

Can't sleep. This makes me =(

Currently pretending my chores don't exist and hoping they'll go away rather than get worse as they have the tendency of doing.

I have nothing interesting to say. Why am I even still here?

I apologize for the inconsequential babble. I obviously need the sleep. Well, my body needs something... *whimpers*


~the monster underneath your slippers

Dear Diary,

It's a Saturday morning and I woke up at 5am and again at 8am. That's not right on so many levels.

Last night I finally got a chance to hang out with him, but he asked if she was doing anything, too. He said he'd call her, but I think it was just to say he would. She could be a good safeguard to make sure nothing went wrong, a chaperon of sorts. He didn't call her, but I texted her expecting that she wouldn't come all the way from the southside. But she was in her car in seconds and got here before he did [I was hoping at least to have some time alone to talk to him since I haven't been able to have a decent conversation with him in weeks]. She informed me that he was already here, but he was out on the phone. He was prolly talking to our SS teacher who had a job for him this morning. We didn't get to go over any music which made me sad. I think she likes him, which makes me wary. And he picked her movie instead of mine, which makes me want to just give up. He did bring me some nice food, though, which was...nice.

Other than that, I totally want to go back to bed, but I don't think much sleepage will be happening, as much as I need it too...

Roger Dodger,
@ Drury Lane

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Dear Diary,

Well, he didn't come and he didn't call. Probably because his phone is either off or dead. Know how I know that? Stupid me called him. At least I wasn't desperate enough to leave a message this time.


It's funny how the little choices we make can completely alter our lives. I decided to stay up and go online [as in chat] on facebook as opposed to being incognito and going to bed early. Well let me tell you, first I got into some drama with one of my friends being upset at a church decision and then I was talking to the church leader who made the decision and it was...awkward and tense. It all worked out, though, because the leader told me how to handle the situation and my friend will possibly have another means of getting what they wanted. And hopefully, in the process, my friend will mature and discover God's will.

How's that for vague?

While that was going on, I got to minister to another friend of mine who is a teacher, like me. She was really stressing out, and the Spirit put words into my fingertips and a song into my mouth that I think helped encourage her. I pray everything goes well with her tomorrow, and more than anything, that she does NOT STRESS!

The best part, of all, however, was my aunt whom I've never met in person decided to chat with me. She kept asking me when I will visit them so I can meet her. The problem is that, like a lot of my family, they live in Puerto Rico. And I...well, I don't. I don't speak Spanish fluently, I don't get the culture, traveling that far all by myself totally freaks me out, and it's expensive. She loves music, though, and she is really pretty awesome. She told me I'm a lot like my uncle, her husband, and that we definitely inherited a lot of traits from my grandfather. It all made me cry a ton. She's the first family member who's actually wanted to know anything about me, really. With every other person I've had to reach out, but she really wanted to know me and it made me feel loved. She also told me that she heard my song 'Sparrow' that I posted and she liked it.

I think I need to visit there this summer. I haven't been to Puerto Rico in fourteen years, and I feel like God keeps trying to call me home...

Voy a mi patria,

Dear Diary,

I know what you're thinking- I haven't posted in forever. I know I left you high and dry, temporarily abandoning you for the sole purpose of pursuing the dullest pleasures of life found in work and sleep. Hmmm....sleep.

Well, truth be told, my internet died on voting night which I took as a bad sign. I was right. Obama won and the next morning the kids were chanting in the cafeteria bright and early. Crazy kids. Also, yesterday I had tons of work AND an impromptu rehearsal at my house. That part was kinda fun.

Last night at about 2:30am there was this wicked car crash in the parking lot in front of my apartment. This black car comes in and knocks three of my neighbors' cars into each other then runs off. The police showed up 15 minutes late to catch nobody. There was another cop car there early this morning when one poor, unlucky soul got out of bed to head to work one morning and noticed the damage to his vehicle. It was an awful sound, just an awful sound. All of this plus the almost shooting that happened a while ago, the shooting that happened across the street, and other such nonsense is making me feel a little more apprehensive about living here. And this is the SAFE community. I really wish I had a man to protect me and keep me informed.

But I don't. I have two cats who pee on everything and have torn my life to shreds. Unhappy, cats.

I have to help out with rehearsal tonight. I kinda want to make it quick. I'm also a wee bit nervous about conducting since it's definitely NOT my strength. I also wonder if he'll be there. It was nice to have him over last night and look at some of his music. I felt like I was actually getting to collaborate with him, but I wonder if my knowledge in musical composition was too overwhelming and imposing for him. I hope not.

They TOTALLY blocked my class's blog from the school server. Thankfully I can still reach the website I built for them, but I can't read any of my kids' musical discussions and questions while I'm at work. The school board seriously is clueless when it comes to education sometimes. Don't they understand that many kids nowadays need a safe place online where they can ask questions about their compositions, find links to informative sites, and share new musical ideas they've discovered??? There aren't enough hours in the day for all this to be done in class, and many times these discoveries occur AFTER school hours. I think this blog is one of the most beneficial things these kids have gotten, especially if they are serious about music.

That's all she wrote, son
Nancy Drew

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Dear Diary,

Tired. Have another night at home alone with my ipod. Yeah.

I could've done more housework if I wasn't so... depressed and brain dead. I'm trying to get past the complaining, but my head's stuck in a circle.

I'm hoping he'll call, but I know that he won't because it's election night.

I am so sick of politics. I wish everybody would not make such a huge deal out of everything; Americans sensationalize everything. I blame football. It all starts with football. I hate your team and you hate my team. I think you're an idiot if you support this team and you think I'm insane if I support that one. Then it gets passed down from generation to generation until families are hating families over football games. Baseball and basketball are the same way. It's just that our nation is more obsessed with football. Sports are the devil. [Tongue in cheek, of course. But, seriously.]

You want a unified country? Bring God back into schools and outlaw football.

Time Out, dude,

Dear Diary,

Last night I had a weird dream that this dude was blackmailing me and my brother and basically trapped us in my apartment with a bomb. We were isolated and if we called anybody else and told them what was going on, they could get killed. We had to set up the bomb and either kill ourselves or bring in other people to kill, as long as someone was dead. It was an awful nightmare. I called my mom anyway, and she didn't end up dying. I think everything turned out ok, but my dream didn't finish, it just switched to another dream.


I was the first teacher at work today. There's a huge line out at the Presbyterian church across the street for voters. I could've slept in an extra half hour had my body allowed it. But, alas, my brain is retarded. Haha. That's kinda funny.

Anywho, it's off to work I go. *whistles*

Peace out, daddio,
Snow White

Monday, November 3, 2008

Dear Diary,

Tired out of my mind. Really don't want to be here posting this, but have a strange sense of duty or obligation to do so. I'm compelled. I'm comitted. I'm brain dead.

Ok, maybe not quite.

Day was long. Got really depressed. Can you tell I'm tired? Can't even write complete sentences. Prayer meeting was intense. Got to re-meet a woman who really needed my friendship. This isn't sounding much like a paragraph. Time to switch to bullets.

  • Found she is a flutist
  • She had a child
  • She's a single mom
  • She's going to join our singles group
  • She's in college and unemployed
  • Went out to eat with some peeps from the group.
  • He was there and so was our SS leader
  • It was fun
  • I'm still tired.
  • I like these list thingers.
  • They're cleaner than paragraphs.
  • I might do this for the rest of my life.

Or not. Time for quiet time. Then bed. Then I'll get up in the middle of the night and do this again. Because I'm obsessed. K. Bye.

Shalom, dawg-

Brain Cheque

Dear Diary,

So the song I sang yesterday at church was awesome. Of course, he didn't come because he was working. That's ok. I went out to lunch with the group and one of my ex's aunts was there. That was not ok. I didn't need to remember him or how he cut my heart out and stomped on it twice. Uncool. Seriously uncool.

So I went home and I cried and I went to bed. Except I spent an hour crying and could only nap for half an hour before it was time to head back to church. I was not happy at all. So, of course, he was there. He started picking on me when he saw I was upset; I guess he was trying to get me to smile. I just wanted to punch him. I didn't. I should have.

It's a good thing I was ticked, though, because the girls were awfully hyper and when I'm mad I get really good at staying focused, serious, disciplined, and consistent.

DIVE was ok.

We went out to eat afterwards which was much better because he was there and my ex's aunt wasn't. I accidentally took his water which I found incredibly ironic and funny. It was good to have him around again. The SS teacher mentioned that my facebook poetry posts are awesome which made me feel great because I didn't think he read them. We all sang old songs and shared stories and it was a pretty awesome night.

Awesome, just awesome.

But now it's morning and I'm at work. Which is uncool again. Hopefully he'll come tonight to the emergency prayer meeting [inspired by our election]. I doubt he will, though. I know him too well...

The Pile of Festering Wounds