Sunday, February 22, 2009


I feel foggy and detached again. I've slowly allowed myself to slip and haven't been spending as much consistent time in daily prayer and bible study as I should. I've started to become more self-centered and control seeking again rather than listening and acting out of obedience and faith. Instead of trusting. Instead of taking Proverbs 3:5-6 to heart.

My apartment is in pieces. There are things I should get done but I just don't have the heart to do. I know one day it will bother me so much that I'll just pop and spend a whole day cleaning and sorting and working myself silly. Then I'll feel tons better- but I just can't make myself do that now.

I hope I can sleep well tonight. I've been getting the proper amount of sleep, but I haven't really been resting lately. I keep waking up in the middle of the night worried, despite Philippians 4:6-7, Matthew 6:25-34, and Psalm 46. It all ties into my imagined need for control. I used to have such a strong sense of peace, but that peace got greatly shaken when I decided to step outside of the bounds of God's will by not focusing on Him. I hope this week, by His grace, I can realign my sights to what is more important than anything else I could ever know...