I Have A Song

...and it stings when it's nobody's fault.
how i wish you would have fought
me to your dying day
don't let me slip away...


I sometimes wish these words that other people felt wouldn't crawl into my brain all my life and change who I am. Musicians can be so imposing.

So, anyway, I've started composing. I haven't written in a very, very, very long time. The bit that I jotted down tonight sounded surprisingly good when I tried it out on the piano. I'm a visual and analytical composer; I can't hear what I write but I can see how it would work or wouldn't work. I can feel it under my hands, sometimes, too even when I'm away from the keyboard.

This piece will be gorgeous. I can feel it in my veins. It's already a sucker to play, but after I write it, I will practice it so that I can play it somewhat proficiently. Then I will attempt to record it and post it here for a listen. The whole process, of course, will take forever. Which is why improvisation is so much cooler sometimes.

I feel much happier about composing now that I have several years of teaching music under my belt; it's caused me to teach myself certain things, to pay attention, and to see the music in a way that I wasn't really forced to do in college. I understand much more fluently various aspects of form, harmonic flow, rhythmic transformation, and melodic fragmentation. In short, it's time for me to accept the fact that, despite the fact that I'm surrounded by musicians both older and younger than me with stronger talents and skills in areas where I am quite weak, I am still a composer. My mediocre skill level does not negate the fact that I need to speak and locate that voice which has been missing for Oh so long...