Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Dear Diary,

Rehearsal was awful. I felt awkward the whole time and towards the end it was all I could do to stay awake.

Worse yet, I think she's trying to manipulate him. I remember her telling me she has struggles with being manipulative and those little things she does are all intentional. It wasn't so bad when she was interested in someone else. But no. Tonight she was purposefully sitting by him, letting him drink from her water bottle, making more harmony parts for herself so that he would compliment her singing.

Or maybe I'm just crazy, paranoid, and overreacting.

It doesn't help that I have a chorus in the back of my head that keeps repeating over and over: it's my mom telling me that he should be my boyfriend and if only I were prettier...

It wouldn't frustrate me so much if he weren't so egalitarian towards all of us.

You know what? He really isn't all that amazing. I don't snarking care anymore. I just wanna sleep and not hate myself at night.

Oh yeah. And not be alone. Right, right, nice, nice.

Peace out ma' shizzle,