Dear Diary,

I know, long time no talk, right?

Well I just got done talking with my friends in the Philippines. It was really cool just being able to see them again, and really awkward again like I knew it would be. Since tonight is a time change, we're going to be thirteen hours apart from them until the spring time. That's super confusing.

It was awesome, though. We even got to sing with them. Right now they're getting ready for church. We're getting ready for bed. Crazy.

One of the pastors really hit home for me tonight, though. He asked where my mom was and said that they were all praying for her that she would become a sister in Christ with us someday. That really touched me very deeply. Then he told me that I was beautiful. I didn't know what to say. I've been struggling with my self image for a very, very long time and recently it's been especially hard. The Spirit totally used him to comfort me, and I really needed it.

My brother is on the phone with me now. His voice makes me want to tune out. I guess I am tuning out if I'm typing to you instead of listening to him. Heh. I'm not good at this whole paying attention thing anyway.

And we're talking about politics now. This is the first year he's ever gotten a chance to vote. I don't vote anymore. I refuse to waste my life supporting a lie that my vote actually chooses a president. The electoral college does that. I refuse to be another gullible American. The election is a bunch of crock and it has always been that way. Besides, the president doesn't have as much power as they lead us to believe. Congress has control. There's only so much one human being can do. I'm sick of being led by a country full of young, stupid, blind, crass, impulsive, empty-headed human beings who are passionately uninformed and committed to being brazen, argumentative, abusive, inflammatory, and lazy. There's a reason we keep changing presidents but nothing ever gets better.

And that's my rant for the night.

So long, cow poke,
La Habanera

Dear Diary,

It's tradition to start each entry with a complaint, so here it goes: my abdomen aches like crazy since it is that time of the month. Oh lucky, lucky, lucky me.

Trunk or Treat last night was awesome. It was chilly, but I had a lot of fun painting faces for the kids and the occasional adult or two. People also liked my costume and remarked that I spent WAY too much time writing on it [I was dressed up as a diary]. It was unanimously decided that my costume was creative.

I agree.

Last night the dude who lives next door tried to strike up a conversation with me when I was headed home. I honestly never really feel like talking to him since when I get home it's at the end of a long day and I'm exhausted out of my brain. I talked for a bit but then rushed inside to sleep. Sleep is beautiful. Beautiful sleep.

I'll have to talk to him eventually, I suppose.

So tomorrow morning I'm singing at both services and I'm finally ready for it. I mean, I've had the song down for a while, but emotionally ready. I really don't think I'm ever happier than when I'm in front of a group of people singing or acting.

Tonight I'm going to go skype my friends in the Philippines. I haven't talked to most of them in forever since they're twelve hours away from me. It should be pretty cool, and insanely awkward. There's never much to say that makes a decent amount of sense what with the language and cultural divide. Eh, whatever.

Over and out, homie,
T. Dizzle

Dear Diary,

This morning my brain is totally on shut down. I'm not depressed anymore or anything, I'm just really, truly asleep. Seriously. Whenever I shut my eyes even for a few seconds I start dreaming. I can hear the dreams in the back of my head when my eyes are open, and I'm trying so hard to focus on staying awake. It was a fun drive to work this morning, let me tell you.

Know what else I can't understand? Why on earth did I agree to teach private lessons after work on Fridays? It makes me tired just thinking about it- a full day of work with NO LUNCH, then two private piano lessons, then run home to get my costume and dash back to church to paint faces for the trunk or treat festival. Too much running around to really enjoy anything.

The one good thing is that Saturday I only have to teach one lesson. Woot.

The one bad thing is that on Fridays I have to see every class. EVERY class. Ugh.

More likely than not, I will be back here before midnight hits, so get ready for it- whether you like it or not.

Laterz, foo'
Yo' Boo

Dear Diary,

I know what you're thinking. I'm a flipping psychopath- hello- this is post number three in one day. But anyway.

Rehearsal was actually amazing. I came in late, stressed, and upset. We started singing "I am a Friend of God" which, of course, made me think of Debbie. I sang my lungs out just about all practice. I just about needed to.

But the best part came after the choir left. I got to work on the solo I'm singing this Sunday in the sanctuary. At first I really didn't listen to the words, and I didn't want to. I didn't mean them. But when I started paying attention to them, somewhere between talking with the music pastor about whether to use straight timing or free pulse, more chest voice or more head voice... I started to let go of that little thing that had been nagging me. It didn't matter. It doesn't matter. Who cares what she said? Who cares how he feels about me? And most importantly, who cares what they think? I was chosen, and I was made to sing.

Music is a vital part of my soul like black is a vital part of the dark. And tonight, I sang, and it was good. I'm finally looking forward to Sunday and nothing can shake that from me.

Through all of my insanely mood-swingy snarkiness, I have been keeping up with my daily readings, although not paying as much attention as I probably should. Tonight I read the Daleth portion of Psalm 119, and it was like I had never read it before. The thing that really jumped out at me was verse 32: "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

Insanely cool.

Oh, and yeah, I'm a Christian. If that bothers you, maybe you should ask yourself why. I may be all snarky to you, but that's because you're inanimate and I can vent all my frustrations. But at least I'm real, unlike most everybody else in their wannabe perfect families and houses. Pfff. They're so wonky it's uncouth.

Chill out mah nizzle,
~The Rain~

Dear Diary,

I really don't know why I'm so freakin' cheerful even when I feel so upset. I also don't know why I'm back here, talking to you, again. Don't go and get all offended or anything.

I just finished teaching a private piano lesson and eating a slice of the dance department fund-raiser cheesecake. I didn't think I liked cheesecake, but I was wrong. This stuff is addictively amazing. It's a good thing I only bought one. And for the record, no, I wasn't eating the cheesecake WHILE I was teaching the lesson. That would've been rude. I just had to satisfy myself with thinking about the cheesecake.

My life is sad.

And no, I don't weigh a million pounds, thank you very much. I don't need your judging attitude OR your hefty imagination. Most people think I'm average weight and some people even say I'm skinny. So take that, lofty digital diary of tactlessness. Ha!

Again, totally not wanting to go to rehearsal tonight, but only because I know it'll last until about 10 o'clock and I seriously need my sleep. If not, I will get seriously silly which will NOT be a good thing come tomorrow when I'm surrounded by a motly crew of hyper and surly teenagers. How they pull off being hyper AND surly at the same time, I will never know. It's one of the great mysteries of the universe, like cheese. I mean, who thought eating dried up, crusty, milk mold would actually be a good idea? And worse yet, where is the cosmic justice in the fact that the yahoo who did it was rewarded by being right???

Know what else doesn't make sense? Traffic light colors. Red is totally a rage color. Heat, energy, fast. You know? And so red has this sense of motion and anger and push. So obviously, when there's a red traffic light we STOP. I guess it's because having to stop instead of going where we want to go makes people angry. But even if that were true, then why is green 'go'? I mean, isn't green the color of grass? Grass grows pretty dang slow to me. Green should be stop, red should be go, and don't even get me started on yellow.

What?

Ok, ok. Yellow should totally mean it's time for a potty break. I mean, hello??

Goodbye.
~me~