Sunday, December 21, 2008

Dear Diary,

I'm utterly obnoxious and judgmental without even realizing it. It's all because I'm so analytical and spend my time trying to figure out people, superimposing my own perspective, background, and paradigms on them. They don't always fit. It hit me this morning in the middle of a song- I'm trying to figure out people and know how they work the way God does, but only HE is wise. I'm going to get it wrong, obviously, most of the time. I know that He set up this situation to prune me and kinda smack me upside the head so that I'd know what was going on in my lil noggin.

The good news is, after I explained myself, she wasn't upset at me anymore. In fact, she opened up a ton. It turns out, she's just like me. No wonder we didn't get along right off the bat. I'm a horrible first impression maker. Whoa. That wasn't English, but oh well.

I'm hungry.

So I just watched P.S. I Love You for the first time ever. Yes, it's a definite chic flick, and it made me bawl my eyes out. But I needed it. It really tapped into some deeper issues I was dealing with, and it made me talk myself through them so I knew what was really going on inside my heart. It's funny, sometimes, how the things that control us the most and that comprise the greatest portion of what we are... can be so easily ignored or pushed aside sometimes.

I probably have more to say, but I shouldn't type it here. It would be misconstrued as something else, and that is not what I want. Sorry, Diary, but I told you I have issues with trust. I wasn't lying. Because that would be ironic.