Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Dear Diary,

It's 2am, and I was thirsty again, so I'm up. Second time this week.

Last night we ended up talking for a really long time. My mom told me to invite him over for Thanksgiving. He wants me and my family to meet his family. This is all really awkward.

He asked me to be patient with him, spiritually, as he's struggling with just surviving and wanting to go deeper in his walk. He said it gives him trouble to committing to things. He said it's always good to talk to me. But the more I talk to him, the deeper I fall for him, and we're just friends possibly forever to remain just so.

Must pull heart out of shark-infested waters...

I know he's looking for someone to just listen and not judge, someone to counsel and encourage, but he's not ready for a mate. I'm all that first stuff, but I'm in dire need of the second. But every time I draw back, he starts to wither away. His reaction is to try to spend time with me or call me; it's his way of calling for help. Still trying to figure out whether I am discipling him [or if I'm even in a position to as he knows more Scripture than I do] or if he is courting me. Agape love is and has been easily and egalitarian expressed towards all the 'brothers and sisters' or as a 'sister in Christ', but the deep-seated romantic love is far more dangerous. If it is nursed at all, it is in a dark cave far within the secret place which may or may never open to me.

But he asked me to be patient, and it's not like anything else interesting is going on in my life, so I'm willing to sit here and fish for his heart.