Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Dear Diary,

I don't think I've posted in a while. Maybe I have. I don't have a great internal sense of time anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

There's this friend of mine that I'm really worried about because he used to be really close to the Lord, and now he's gotten to this point where he's pulled himself away. He's wedged this great divide between himself and Christ, and all of his Christian friends. I feel partly responsible because I let myself get upset about him not calling me back when he said that he would, and I just pushed him away. Not with forceful, angry, direct words, but just by not pursuing him, checking up on him like I normally would. Well he's in sad shape. He's picked up smoking, he seems dejected, confused, hurt, upset, bitter, and frustrated. If there is a single Christian out there who's actually read this far, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for this nameless friend of mine.

If you just prayed for him, thank you so much. I know that God will bless you for this small, unseen act of kindness.

My own walk has been shaky because I've allowed myself to buy into several lies Satan continually feeds me about my identity, self-worth, and lovability. I'm in the midst of some of the hardest temptations I've ever had, but God continually proves that He is in control. When I asked my music pastor to pray for my friend, he wrote me back and said God kept telling him to pray for me, too! And I didn't even tell him what was going on! THAT is the awesomeness of my God. My temptation actually involves a certain relationship I have [friendshipwise] with a man who is not walking with the Lord, and who has both implicitly and semi-directly attempted to seduce me into the thinking of the world. He is not an evil person, just a lost person with a good, confused heart. That is what makes it tempting because it all started with me wanting to help. Now, God is showing me I can't do things on my own- only He can change hearts and I need my strong Christian friends to hold me accountable, to pray for me, and to throw a bucket of cold water on my face when I get red and hot all over.

If this offended you in the least:

  1. It's my diary, remember?
  2. You don't have to read this.
  3. I probably don't even know you, so this isn't a personal attack.
  4. I love you. Love can be offensive sometimes. That's where we grow

The Child Behind the Ferrets