Monday, December 15, 2008

Dear Diary,

The parakeets yawned as predicted.

I found that article quite intriguing but, man, that line made me laugh! Today I've been a burnt out kind of tired; I'm seriously thankful that I've got four more days of work before a respite from it all. Well, most of it, anyway.

So last night I was crying my eyeballs out again because I'm a moody, neurotic musician and it's wired into my genes. Actually, I was sitting at the piano sight-reading some awesome duet music, then I started singing some songs, and I was taken back to when I was a kid singing traditional songs with my family. That, in turn, reminded me that not only do I not have a family of my own, but odds are I never will; I have no one to hand my song down to. That made me super depressed, and sleep just was not an option for several hours after that. Needless to say, I was really tired at work.

It didn't help that he said he'd call back last night... and didn't. And said he'd show up to the party...and didn't. And it's also not helping much that he said he'd call me today so we could hang out... and didn't. This sounds vaguely familiar, and I'm not going to be stupid like I was the last ten million times this happened to me. If he can't keep his promises, he's not worth keeping in my interest. Period. Too bad, so sad.

What did cheer me up was actually kind of random. I actually got to talk to my next door neighbor for a bit which I don't do a lot because I'm a stranger-phobe. I feel awkward when i talk to people I don't know, and paranoid too, so I just don't. He heard me playing piano, though, and was wanting to jam with me some time, which would be awesome. I invited him to come play with our band when we meet back up in January. It should be pretty awesome. Too bad I can't remember his name. I'm thinking he'll introduce himself to the band members when we meet up to rehearse. Right?

Talking to him really pointed out a weakness I have. I'm really self-centered and not willing to step out of my little comfort zone bubble to ask how other people are doing. He's only lived here a few months and already knows neighbors that I didn't even know I had and what their needs are. I don't take enough time for people like I should because I'm too busy being tired and unorganized. Well, and creating, like this. I crave the downtime to write and create new things. Maybe it's something I should sacrifice every once in a while, though, to check on people around me. I will try and see how things go.