Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Dear Diary,

I had a fun phone conversation today. And by fun I mean awful.

Mom: So what are you doing for New Years?

Me: A bunch of the singles from my church are going to play some wii and board games at the church. We'll have finger foods and drinks.

Mom: How did you get permission to use the church?

Me: I called and asked. They said it was ok as long as we leave everything the way we found it, which shouldn't be a problem.

Mom: So you're the one who got the idea?

Me: Well, some other people had the idea, but they weren't doing anything.

Mom: I was just calling to ask because you never call us. And you weren't born from a dog. We're in town. I was thinking that maybe you would spend the New Year with us.

Me: Wait a minute, that's not the case. I do call you guys. But when I call you don't answer the phone. Of you're too busy. Or you're driving somewhere.

Mom: Oh, well. You better do something with those single people. Make sure that one hurries up and marries you. Poor thing, with your tragic life living all alone.


I had never talked to my mom about that. I never told her that was a sore spot for me, and she never would have known it by talking to me or seeing me. But she sure knows how to kill little pieces of my heart and self-esteem. I never talk to her about relationship issues because she's never much help. All through college the extent of her help was: "You're not in college to make friends. Don't talk to people." And whenever I actually started dating the three rules were:

  1. Convert him to Catholicism [imagine her outrage when I left the church for an unobstructed relationship with Christ!]
  2. Don't let him put a hand on you [well that rules out holding hands, hugging, and shaking hands!]
  3. Get married as soon as possible
These guidelines were also not so much help. So I had to learn the hard way- by screwing up big time. I now understand a great deal about relationships and the differences between men and women. I also understand that I'm not the most desirable mate out there, commitment scares men in my generation who were practically raised on divorce, and there are more women than there are men. So, frustratedly single I remain. Being slapped in the face with it by my mother on yet another holiday where I'm spending most of my time alone and borrowing other people as my pretend family... not so cool.